If We’re Honest…

If you’ve read anything I’ve written on this blog so far, you know that I believe in intentional living. I believe that every single human being was placed on this earth for a reason, and I believe that we are all purposed people and destiny carriers.

In 2016 I have been chasing down my specific purpose and calling more than ever before. Can I tell you something? It’s harder than I thought it would be. Not the chasing itself, but doing the work that is required in order for me to become the person who is able to handle my destiny responsibly.

We all want to walk right into our calling, but I think that our society promotes a massive misconception regarding purpose. You cannot do what you are called to do effectively until you have become the version of yourself that is strong enough to bear the weight of calling.

We can talk all we want about doing, but the truth is until we become, we will corrupt, abuse, or ruin what we put our hands to. The same principle applies to relationships. Everybody wants to have a boo, but are you ready for one? Are you emotionally responsible and individually secure enough to help shape another person into their best self? Are you ready to invite another person into your head and heart? Are you willing to serve your partner?

These are the types of questions we need to be asking ourselves. We all want the best that life has to offer, but are we able to steward the best when it arrives? We want money, but are we spending our small salary responsibly? We want fame, but are we carefully reviewing the content we currently filter through our social media outlets?

Our reluctance to ask ourselves these hard questions boils down to one thing: honesty.

It’s time we sat down and chose to be honest with ourselves. And I’m not talking about surface honesty, I am talking about deep introspective, Holy Spirit – guided honesty. It’s time we know exactly who we are, why we do what we do, why we are attached to the same dysfunctional relationships, why we are stuck in the same destructive cycles, and why we can’t trust anyone.

Destiny demands that we know who we are. And we live in a world that is all too eager to impose an identity on you. People will tell you who you are if you don’t tell them first.

Pastor Dharius Daniels of Kingdom Church NJ says that we cannot chase destiny and identity at the same time. We need to know who we are before we lay hold of what Yahweh has called ours before we were even born. And just so we’re all clear, who you are nothing to do with what you do, who your family is, or even what you possess. I’m talking about the kind of identity that will not be rooted up when literally everything that can be shaken is shaken. If everything and everyone is stripped from you, and all of your ability is taken away, do you know who you are? Do you know you’re still valuable? Do you know that you’re still loved and cherished?

I must admit that my honesty journey has been difficult. There are things I’ve noticed about myself that I wish weren’t there. I wish I could deny what I finally see, but once your eyes have been opened, you can’t close them again. You can try, but the torment of knowing and not fixing is incredibly painful. Navigating honesty with Yahweh is the absolute best decision you’ll ever make.

One thing that stopped me from facing my flaws and my potential was a fear of the overwhelming disappointment and sense of loneliness I thought I would feel. I didn’t think I would have the strength or know how to handle my imperfections. Insecurity kept the lid tight on that box, but Yahweh’s hand guided mine as I finally opened it up.

Let me tell you something – Yahweh is a good, good FATHER. I am very close with my actual Father. I look just like him, I get all my introverted, nerdy ways from him. I also get my poor eyesight and love of words from him. As much as I love my Daddy, and as much as he loves me, our love for one another could never compare to the love that our Heavenly Father has for each and every one of us. My Daddy taught me that no one will ever be able to love me like Yahweh loves me. Not him, not any other man, not my mom, no one.

I didn’t understand that until I tried to find that love in other people and couldn’t. This is a whole other blog post, but people can never love you the way you need to be loved by Yahweh in order to fully walk in your destiny.

Wrapped in love like that, you’re also gifted the grace to face your demons and call them by name. We lie to ourselves and choose not to ask ourselves the hard questions because we are afraid of who we really are. We don’t dig in the soil of our own souls because we are afraid of what we have buried that isn’t really dead. We won’t face our own brokenness because we are ashamed, or angry, confused or afraid of reliving the pain. The strongest thing you can do is be COMPLETELY honest with yourself, and in turn, be honest with Yahweh.

There are a few areas Yahweh is helping me address in my own life where I have trouble being honest. I am going to share them with you in hopes that it will help you start a much-needed conversation with yourself.

Honesty about my past – I don’t have a particularly sordid past, at least not outwardly. But my battlefield is in my mind. Seeds can be planted in our minds and hearts that cause us to bear bitter or rotten fruit later in life.

I needed to be honest about what seeds were planted in my life. What lies were scattered in my mind in my youth that have now grown into trees – ideas and life constructs – that are actually rooted in insecurity, failure, or distorted life principles?

I soon realized that some of my habits were incredibly destructive. My mind was actually a dump, and since you cannot live above the quality of your thoughts, my mood was always up one day, and extremely down the next. Sometimes we have to go back into our past with clear eyes and an honest heart in order to finally see and understand why we are the way we are. Returning to your past for pity’s sake is unhealthy, but returning in order to finally learn its lesson is restorative.

Honesty about my present – Some religious people would say that faith means ignoring your present circumstances and looking beyond to a better future. I don’t think that’s true. I think faith means acknowledging that this is where you are, while holding on to the hope of a better tomorrow. Where does that hope come from? For me it comes from trusting in the proven goodness of Yahweh and His plan for my life.

I had to come to grips with the fact that this is where I am, this is who I am. This is where I struggle, this is where I hurt. You won’t get over anything unless you face it first. In those moments when I admit how I feel and identify why, it’s easier for me to ask for help. And that leads me to my next point…

Honesty in Prayer – You can’t be honest in prayer unless you’re honest with yourself first. The truth is Yahweh already knows what we’re hiding or running from. He knows what the problem is. But He’s not an intruder. He won’t barge into your life and start cleaning without your permission. He won’t break down the door to your heart and start healing hurt without an invitation. He’s not standing off to the side judging you for not being perfect. He knows you’re incapable of that, and that’s the reason why He sent Yahshua, to accommodate all future screw ups.

So you won’t surprise him when you tell him you still hate the people who hurt you even though you see them every day. He won’t be disgusted when you admit that you have an addiction and don’t know how to break free from it. He won’t pity you when you tell him you want love so bad that you’re finding yourself doing anything with anyone to get what looks like it.

You’re not a sympathy project to Him – you’re His beloved offspring. He cares about you and what ails you. He cares when we hurt, and he cares why we hurt. More than that, He cares that WE know when and why we hurt. We need to know so we can understand what it means to be healed. We need to know so we can articulate it to people we see walking down the same path we once walked.

Honesty in prayer is extremely liberating. When we let someone else in our heads, when we lay it all bare, when we release the things we’ve been holding onto so tightly that have been corroding our insides, something almost magical takes place.

Your soul begins to heal when you expose the thing that’s been secretly whipping you in the dark. That’s what honest prayers do – they shine light into the dark corners of our souls. And guess what, the more you pray, the more light pours in.

I’m not telling you that all this exposure will be easy, but I will tell you that the pain of working through your past and present pain will be less painful than the crippling realization that you did not become who you could have been because you never healed enough to go the distance.

Unforgiveness, bitterness, and hatred will kill you. They eat you alive. And the root of all of those things is hurt, it’s brokenness. We bury things in hopes that they will go away, but I promise you that unresolved issues buried alive do not die, they come back in uglier forms.

You can face this, and you can beat it.

I promote prayer AND therapy here on the blog. I’ve done both, and both have helped me heal. If you are finding that your pain is too much to bear alone, if the darkness is much more than you anticipated and you’re having trouble navigating its depth, reach out to someone, either a trusted friend or a professional. Everyone’s journey is different, and there is no shame in asking for help. You’re not weak for needing people. That’s literally why we exist in a world with other human beings, to help one another through things.

If you have a prayer request, or just need a listening ear, feel free to contact me via all my social media or send me an e-mail. We’re all in this together, and I feel so strongly that it’s high time we have honest conversations, if not with anyone else, then with ourselves.

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