**Let me preface everything I’m going to say by stating that I believe in Biblical prophecy and spiritual discernment. Everything I say from this point on will reflect that belief.**
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by my desire for confirmation.
When impatience begins to override my faith, and confusion is clouding the proper perspective, I feel like I need an outside voice to bring order to my inward lack of control. Basically, sometimes I feel like I can’t move forward without a sign or some other form of external validation.
And every time I feel this way, shame slips into my relationship with Yahweh. When I feel like I need Him to prove outwardly what he’s telling me inwardly, I realize I still don’t trust him completely. And this makes me sad, it makes me ashamed, and it makes me want to hide that part of myself from Him.
I’ve been in services and had experiences where ministers and random people have told me things that I know for a fact were Holy Spirit influenced. I’ve had people look me in the eye and accurately describe what had been ringing off in my Spirit for weeks and years, but I was unable to verbally express myself.
I’m wary of charismatic prophecy, not because I don’t believe that Yahweh moves in that kind of environment or that prophecy is a myth, but because people will believe almost anything in an emotionally stimulated atmosphere, especially when they’re in pain. I’ve seen the gift of prophecy exploited and abused, and it makes me sad that the passing need I have for external words is some people’s reality. It makes me sad that a word from the mouth of man is the life line of so many.
Historically (and biblically) speaking, prophets and ministers in general had very non-traditional life experiences. Their gifts were often revered, greatly respected, and even relied upon, but the specificity and burden of their calling often caused them to lead isolated and lonely lives. They couldn’t get too close to people, because sometimes familiarity inhibits influence. They couldn’t do their jobs effectively if they were close to everyone. They had fans and followers, but their lives were not their own. They lived with the knowing that Yahweh lived in and spoke through them. They knew they couldn’t befriend the masses of people who knew their names. They knew they couldn’t always trust the loyalty these people professed to have. They knew they were different, and it made for a very different kind of life than many would have preferred back then, and definitely now.
I was in the book of John reading about the Samaritan woman at the well. For those of you who are unfamiliar with her story, this woman was, in short, a divorcee, an adulterer, a fornicator, and at the time that Yahshua encountered her at the well, living with a man she wasn’t married to. For all intent and purposes, she was an outcast. Her name (and her business) was more than likely out on the street, and she was more than likely not very well-received or well-loved in her home town. After all, she was fetching water from the well in the midday sun instead of in the cool of evening as was customary – probably to avoid judgmental stares and sharp-tongued whispers from the local ‘upstanding’ women in her village.
But Yahshua approached her and spoke to her. He confirmed everything that she was experiencing, and defined the status and position of her life and heart. He told her everything she already knew, or as she put it, ‘He told me everything I’d ever done.’ This may be because she, like everyone else, had to come define herself by the things she’d done, not by her actual, Yahweh-given identity. I don’t know what else Yahshua told her, and the story doesn’t tell us anything except what I just recapped for you, but whatever it was was enough to make her run back to her home town and tell literally everyone to come and meet this man. His words were so impactful that they broke chains of shame off of her, and gave her the courage and freedom to tell her testimony in hopes of drawing others to he man who told her everything she’d ever done.
Draw she did and they did come, but this is the kicker: while Yahshua was ministering to the people in Samaria, He did not perform one miracle. There was not one sign or wonder, not one person raised from the dead. He didn’t feed or clothe any number of them, and He didn’t disappear into a thin mist or walk on water to prove to them that He was the Messiah. Do you know what He did? He spoke to them. He convinced them of His identity and won their hearts with His words. This was the only place He visited where He did not need one miracle to prove who He was.
When that realization hit me, I sat back on my chair and took my glasses off. He had won them with His words….
The Samaritan woman’s testimony was fueled by her newfound faith, which was born from Yahshua’s confirmation of her heart condition. The faith of the people she drew was awakened by her testimony, but set ablaze by Yahshua’s words, not His works. These people wanted what was in His heart, not in His hand. As I read that chapter, I was overwhelmed by the genuine love I felt blooming in my chest. These people fell in love with Yahshua because of who He was, not what He could do. They were moved to belief in His identity because of the words He spoke, not the miracles He performed.
I think that was refreshing for Yahshua to experience. I don’t doubt that people always wanted something from Him. They more than likely associated Him with His works before they associated Him with His words. And I don’t doubt that that hurt Him sometimes. I mean how would you feel if the people you chose to surround yourself with only kept you around because they loved what you could physically do for them?
The Samaritans didn’t want entertainment or assistance, they wanted Him. I think that’s significant.
So lately when I feel like I need a sign, or some other external word, an echo of what the sometimes faint voice of the Holy Spirit is already communicating to me, I remind myself that if Yahweh wanted me to have verbal confirmation of His Word, He would give it to me. I have to believe and trust that He knows me better than I do, and the absence of His hand does not indicate the absence of His heart. He is walking before and beside me, always.
I’ve began to pray for the heart of the Samaritan woman and her people. I’ve began to pray for the kind of faith that trusts Yahweh’s word above all else, and seeks to know His voice better than anyone else’s. I’m praying for the kind of relationship with Him where His word is literally enough for me. I want to completely believe that He is who He says He is, and He will do all He says He will do. I want a faith that causes me to take Yahweh at His word, no matter how contradictory my circumstances are to that Word.
Maybe you’re in a place or position where you want someone to speak into you. Maybe you’ve been secretly church hopping hoping to catch the eye of the prophet. Maybe you’ve been purposefully attending events and services hoping that a word from the pastor would bring some order or shine some light in a place where you’ve been confused for a long time. I’ve been there, and I’m telling you it’s time to bring this to Yahweh. He can handle your lack or faith and trust in Him. He’s big enough to take your fear and your confusion.
I lovingly encourage you to join me in pressing into relationship with Yahweh. You may not be able to believe it now, but He has a way of communicating with you in a way that will bring more clarity, conviction, stability, and direction than a word from the mouth of any man. I am choosing to consistently remind myself of this truth, especially when I feel like I need a word in order to keep going.
We don’t need confirmation, we need intimacy. Let’s pursue Him, not the manifestation of the gifts He’s given others.